It could have been much worse.
Of all the 2011-released movies I saw this year (a little more than a hundred), most fell into the “merely OK” category. Like many of you, I chose not see some of the year’s obvious clunkers, like Adam Sandler’s cross-dressing “Jack and Jill” or the new “Chipmunks” movie. And, after sitting through 120 excruciating minutes of the last “Twilight” movie, I decided not to bother with “Breaking Dawn.”
The following list, however, were cinematic experiences I hope will be forgotten by 2012.
In alphabetical order:
Arena
I typically don’t see straight-to-DVD movies because, well, they’re terrible. Samuel L. Jackson stars as a sleazy promoter of an online fighting league where the competitors brutally kill each other. I’ll watch Sam Jackson in anything. I just won’t be watching this ever again.
The Hangover Part II
It’s the same as the first movie minus humor and originality. How did this make so much money?
Larry Crowne
Tom Hanks and Julia Roberts play “ordinary” people in this insulting and insipid look at middle-aged, middle-class folks trying to make it in the new economy. Oh, and Hanks’ character joins a hipster motor-scooter club.
To make things worse, Hanks and Roberts spend the closing credits waving and smiling at the audience as if to say, “Look, we’re movie stars! We’re only pretending to be like you!”
Mars Needs Moms
A dull, grimy-looking motion-capture cartoon about Martians kidnapping and murdering human moms. Don’t worry. Your kids will be too bored to even notice the nightmarish storyline.
No Strings Attached
This sort of unfunny romantic slop I expect from Ashton Kutcher, who is now working where he belongs on a below-average sitcom. But I expect better from the now-Oscar minted Natalie Portman. Strike one, Natalie.
The People vs. George Lucas
I’m not a huge fan of the recent “Star Wars” prequels, but this constant whining about how Lucas’ recent cinematic work has somehow ruined childhoods is getting on my nerves. Here’s a 90-minute movie where a bunch of bloggers complain about “Greedo shooting first.” Get over it, nerds.
Red Riding Hood
Takes a classic fairy tale and turns it into a “Twilight” knockoff with nonsensical plot twists and a talking wolf.
Scream 4
Rather than comment on the sad state of the horror genre, “Scream 4” stumbles as badly as the movies it’s trying to skewer. This franchise should have stopped at part two.
Sucker Punch
A perverted fantasy about young women breaking out of an insane asylum. The dream sequences littered throughout the movie play like noisy, one-note levels in a video game.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon
People talk about this third installment in terms of how it compares to the atrocious second movie, “Revenge of the Fallen.” Yes, “Dark of the Moon” is an improvement on “Revenge,” but it still doesn’t make a lick of sense. The human characters barely count as intelligible humans, and the robots just bang against each other for two and a half hours.
Your Highness
A painfully unfunny medieval comedy. Strike two, Natalie. One more and you join Halle Berry in the “Can’t manage a proper career after winning the Oscar” circle.
Zookeeper
A list of the year’s worst movies wouldn’t be complete without a movie with talking animals or Kevin James falling on his face. “Zookeeper” gave us both in the same movie. Hey, give Hollywood credit for being economical this year.