While basketball fans have plenty to be excited about this weekend, movie buffs rarely get the chance to make educated guesses about arbitrary bracket rankings.
Not anymore!
In celebration of the theatrical release of Dreamworks Animation’s “How to Train Your Dragon,” I’ve concocted “The Sweet 16 of (Non-Pixar) Computer Animation.”
Here’s how it works: I’ve ranked 16 computer animated films based on Oscar wins, nominations and general popularity. Excluded from the list: All entries from the Pixar canon (No “Toy Story,” “Finding Nemo,” etc.). If Pixar were allowed to compete, the competition would be majorly one sided and it would basically be a ranking of my favorite Pixar films.
Also excluded: All of Disney, including their occasional Non-Pixar CGI films (“Bolt,” etc.), and finally, all hand-drawn, stop-motion and claymation entries. We’ve got to keep things tight for space.
Now on with the fight! May the strongest survive!
Round 1:
Shrek (1) vs. TMNT (16)
As much as I love those Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Dreamworks’ cash cow (and Oscar winner) “Shrek” is just too charming to defeat. Winner: Shrek
Shark Tale (8) vs. Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius (9)
“Shark Tale,” or, essentially a second-rate “Finding Nemo,” is really only so high on this list because of its strong box office and inexplicable Oscar nomination. “Jimmy Neutron,” on the other hand, is a fun little adventure with a surprising amount of adult humor. Winner: Jimmy Neutron
Shrek II (5) vs. Over the Hedge (12)
Sequels rarely deliver, but “Shrek II” is arguably as clever as the first. “Over the Hedge,” while cute, doesn’t boast a memorable enough story. Winner: Shrek II
Kung Fu Panda (4) vs. Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs (13)
Last year’s entertaining “Meatballs” really gets a tough draw against “Panda,” one of Dreamworks’ funniest and most exciting entries. Jack Black is perfectly cast as the pudgy, wannabe Ninja Warrior. Winner: Kung Fu Panda
Ice Age (3) vs. Beowulf (14)
Did anybody actually like Robert Zemeckis’ strange, creepy-looking desecration of classic literature? “Ice Age” is a bit overrated, but that Scrat character brings classic “Looney Tunes” -era antics into the new millennium. Winner: Ice Age
Madagascar (6) vs. Surf’s Up (11)
The tough-talking penguins of “Madagascar” face off against the hang-10 penguins of “Surf’s Up.” Too bad “Madagascar” focused so little of the story on those flightless birds. Winner: Surf’s Up
The Polar Express (7) vs. Monster House (10)
Some consider “Polar Express,” to be a new holiday classic. Others can’t get around those creepy looking kids. The little-seen “Monster House” is purposefully scary when it wants to be and just entertaining the rest of the time. Winner: Monster House
Happy Feet (2) vs. 9 (15)
“Happy Feet” danced all over “Cars” to beat Pixar in the Best Animated Feature category at the Oscars. “9” is a dark, PG-13-rated gem from last year. Tough draw, “9.” Maybe next year. Winner: Happy Feet
Round 2
Shrek (1) vs. Jimmy Neutron (9)
Attention Jimmy: Go build yourself a hot tub time machine and bask in the joy of your harrowing first-round win. Your journey ends here. Winner: Shrek
Shrek II (5) vs. Kung Fu Panda (4)
Originality wins out. As good of a sequel “Shrek 2” is, the action scenes in “Panda” deliver more thrills than most live-action blockbusters. Winner: Kung Fu Panda
Ice Age (3) vs. Surf’s Up (11)
Face it: Everybody remembers the squirrel in “Ice Age,” but nobody cares about Ray Romano or the rest of the creatures. “Surf’s Up,” on the other hand, boasts unique documentary-style storytelling, and recent Oscar-winner Jeff Bridges revived his “Dude” persona from “The Big Lebowski” to play the surfer-sage penguin. Winner: Surf’s Up
Happy Feet (2) vs. Monster House (10)
The penguin stranglehold on popular culture continues. Winner: Happy Feet
The Final Four!
Shrek (1) vs. Kung Fu Panda (4)
“Shrek” is obviously the most popular, but “Shrek the Third” still has a bad taste in my mouth. While that shouldn’t change the outcome of this matchup, I have nothing but good memories of that boisterous, cuddly kung fu master. Sorry, Shrek. This isn’t your Happily Ever After. Winner: Kung Fu Panda
Happy Feet (2) vs. Surf’s Up (11)
Another battle of the penguins. In the end, “Surf’s Up” just doesn’t have a strong enough story to carry through to the Finals. “Happy Feet” has big ideas and an epic scope. Winner: Happy Feet
The Finals!
Happy Feet (2) vs. Kung Fu Panda (4)
Both are star-studded and hugely entertaining. Call me crazy, but that “TMNT” loss in the first round really broke the spirit of this martial arts fanatic. “Kung Fu Panda” has stronger replay value, and with kid movies, that’s the most important thing in most households. What won’t you mind watching 100 times? If it isn’t Pixar, then it’s Kung Fu Panda for the win.