Stargate - ep70

Take a portal to the other side of the universe with the Old Millennials gang as they try to remember “Stargate,” a forgettable wannabe blockbuster that technically inspired the far-more-popular TV series.

Join James Spader as SCIENCE NERD and Kurt Russell as TOUGH GUY as they discover the secrets of a mysterious alien wormhole. The Stargate traverses the known universe, connecting Egypt on Earth all the way to… a planet that looks like Egypt?

Of all the possible places to travel, this was the best idea? It’d be like having a “Star Wars” movie that never leaves Tatooine. Director Roland Emmerich made this snoozer before finding success with “Independence Day,” and while “Stargate” has a solid premise and a few cool helmets, it lacks punch, pizzazz and… um, quick, think of another relevant “p-word”… POLISH! Boom. Nailed it.

Noted weirdo James Spader sleeps through the movie. The always-reliable Kurt Russell has nothing to do, though his Colonel Guile-style military flattop looks SPECTACULAR.

Stargate 1994 podcast

Tyler and Angela discuss the movie’s overstuffed plot, under-cooked characters, perfunctory action scenes and… look, we liked the helmets. We discuss the appearance of Djimon Hounsou (billed here just as Djimon) and whether or not French Stewart from “3rd Rock from the Sun” can believably play a tough guy. Spoiler alert: He can’t.

Also discussed on this episode for some reason: Locks, keys, “Locke & Key,” stars, gates and really anything that can get us to stop having to discuss “Stargate.”

Also discussed in this episode

Check out related past episodes of the Old Millennials Remember Movies podcast

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