In the science-fiction chiller “Splice,” Adrien Brody and Sarah Polley play the stupidest scientists on the planet. Sure, they have the brain power to create blobby creatures from the DNA of several animals, and they’re able to splice human genes with those of a pig, chicken, velociraptor, Swamp Thing, etc.
But man, these people need to be wiped from the gene pool. As an act of pure hubris, Clive and Elsa decide to mess with the universe and create a human-animal hybrid that ages rapidly and wields a venomous tail. Then, even after the raging infant nearly kills one of them, they decide to raise the thing like a child.
Dumbest. Decision. Ever.
Elsa has weird mommy issues, and Clive frequently jumps between loving the thing and trying to drown the bald monster in the sink.
For a while, “Splice” entertains despite the inconsistent logic of our so-called “genius” protagonists. Then things get weird, and Clive and Elsa do things that NO person could do, like EVER.
Let’s just say the audience is treated to two instances of Inter-Species Erotica. Ewwwwwww!!!!!!
There are multiple scenes in “Splice” where Clive and Elsa listen to music while working. Too bad TLC’s “Waterfalls” never comes on. The whole “sex with mutants” thing would’ve never happened.
So next time, scientists, remember these words:
“Don’t go chasin’ waterfalls,
Please stick to the rivers and the lakes that you’re used to.
I know that you’re gonna have it your way or nothing at all,
but I think you’re moving too fast.”
Grade: C