In an effort to reach my goal of seeing at least 100 movies released in 2010 before Dec. 31, I’ve had to clog my Netflix queue with some real stinkers. These films just aren’t worth full-fledged reviews, so here’s a brief overview of the bile you should most definitely avoid:
Once the most promising director of his generation, M. Night Shyamalan is fast becoming a modern-day Ed Wood. His recent movies, especially “The Happening,” are so laughably bad, you have to wonder where he’s getting the financing.
“The Last Airbender,” based on the popular cartoon series, isn’t quite as terrible as that Mark Wahlberg-talks-to-plants disaster. Nevertheless, it’s still pretty dull and clunky. The child actors should go back to grade school, and considering Shyamalan’s recent screenwriting techniques, maybe he should join them. Grade: C
As far as talking animal movies go, you could do a whole lot worse. Still, there’s nothing remotely entertaining for adults in this Owen Wilson-voiced kiddie com. The lovely Emma Stone at least voices a dog named Mazie (best pet name ever). Grade: C
Jennifer Lopez conceives via artificial insemination, then meets the man of her dreams (Alex O’Loughlin) a couple days later. The problem? Said Dream Guy is a total douche. No chick in her right mind could stay with the selfish twit.
And he isn’t even the most annoying part. “The Back-Up Plan” stocks the movie with a ridiculous singer mother support group consisting of weirdos who could only be conceived in the mind of a terrible screenwriter. Grade: C-
This Michael Bay-produced remake brings nothing to the table but gore and unrealized characters. Jackie Earle Haley, generally a terrific actor, seems confused as to how to play villainous Freddy Krueger. Grade: C-
Poor, poor Amy Adams. I love her, I really do. Just not in lifeless, contrived and very stupid romantic comedies like this Ireland-set stinker. Ugh. The less said about this disaster, the better. Grade: D
Clocking in at 70 minutes without the closing credits, “Jonah Hex” is the definition of big-budget disaster.
The plot makes no sense whatsoever, a likely result of drastic studio intervention. Josh Brolin tries hard as the disfigured DC Comics anti-hero, but the movie collapses around him at every turn. John Malkovich is laughable as the villain, the special effects are atrocious and Megan Fox turns in one of the worst performances ever from a “hot” female starlet. Move over, Jessica Alba. There’s somebody finally worse than you. Grade: F