One of my favorite obsessions is "Lost," the time-bending series about a mysterious island and the fated survivors of a grisly plane crash. After more than 100 episodes full of polar bears, smoke monsters and flash-forwards, the series begins its sixth and final season on Tuesday (8 p.m. ABC).
The network will open the evening with a recap show intended to catch newbies up on the mystery, but as a parting gift to faithful readers, I’ve outlined everything you need to know. Read on for the essential goods on network TV’s most addictive show.
Essential Characters
Jack (Matthew Fox) is a surgeon with daddy issues. His dad’s corpse was on the plane when it crashed on the island, but when he opened the casket, Dad was missing.
Kate (Evangeline Lilly) had daddy issues, but then she killed him. She’s in love with both Jack and Sawyer (Josh Holloway), a con artist who gives everybody cool nicknames. Last season he fell in love with Juliet (Elizabeth), but she died when she blew up an atomic bomb in 1977. Wait, that just got confusing.
So there’s John Locke (Terry O’Quinn), who was crippled until he came to the island. It doesn’t matter because Ben (Michael Emerson) killed Locke so he could still be the leader of The Others, a group of people native to the island.
Oh yeah, way back in the past, a guy named Jacob and a Man in Black talk about controlling the island. Man in Black pledges to kill Jacob. "Ha, ha," Jacob laughs. But then, years later, the Man in Black morphs into John Locke and convinces Ben to kill Jacob.
Oh yeah, and Hurley (Jorge Garcia) sees dead people.
Still with me?
The Island
The island has a bunch of electromagnetic energy that can crash planes and cause ruptures in time. The island, when triggered by a frozen donkey wheel, can move to different locations in the ocean. That’s good because some people, especially Charles Widmore (Alan Dale), want to find the island, kill all the people on it, and, I don’t know, hang out with the Man in Black/New Locke and/or dead/alive Jacob. 
Luckily, Widmore has a sweet daughter named Penny (Sonya Walger), who is married to Desmond (Henry Ian Cusick), a guy who likes to travel through time and end every sentence with the word, "brother."
Also there’s a smoke monster that beats people to a bloody pulp. It lives in a temple and judges people. If you do bad things, then you’re probably going to get eaten. The Others call it a "security system," while Regis Philbin calls it a "dinosaur."
Season Six Twist
A bomb went off in season five that was to "reset" the castaway’s timeline and negate the reason their plane crashed in the first place. Judging from what I’ve heard, the new season will show two distinct storylines: One that shows the plane landing without incident, and one where the bomb does nothing to reset time. To newbies, I suggest watching only the alternate timeline, because that one starts where season one started. Just mute the other storyline and start a knitting project to keep yourself occupied.
The Point
The island is a special place where people can find redemption and/or kick sand in the face of fate. Time is not linear, and people can jump from year to year without incident because, as crazy Daniel Faraday explains, "You can’t change the past. Whatever happened, happened." Faraday is dead, maybe. But his theory about time is absolutely right. Or not.
Ah, forget it. Just watch the recap special at 8 p.m. Tuesday. My brain hurts.