Stuff blows up real good.
Little else needs to be said about “The Expendables,” an old-school throwback to 80s-era action movies, written, directed by and starring Sylvester Stallone. Assembling the greatest (and cheesiest) action stars of the last 30 years, “The Expendables” wastes little time on plot or character development.
What we have here instead are blood, bullets and bone-crushing fight sequences. Knife throwing and tough talking. Explosions and double-crosses. Even Arnold Schwarzenegger and Bruce Willis join the fun for a few minutes.
Fact is, you already know if you’re going to like this movie or not.
Stallone stars as Barney, the leader of an elite mercenary team featuring the talents of Jason Statham, Jet Li, Randy Couture, Terry Crews and America’s sweetheart, Dolph Lundgren. They head to South America to overthrow a dictator and his American businessman backer, played by Eric Roberts. “Stone Cold” Steve Austin is his henchman, and right when you see him you just know Stallone will engage him in an epic hand-to-hand rumble.
That’s pretty much it. There’s the cute daughter of the bloodthirsty dictator, and Statham’s cute girlfriend, but honestly, you won’t care. Mickey Rourke has a few scenes where he waxes poetic to Stallone about his dark past. You won’t care much about this, either.
What you might care about is Stallone’s unsteady hand during the film’s most bombastic action sequences. The editing is relentless and the close-ups get a bit too deep into the pores of these aging ruffians. During the final battle, it becomes more and more difficult to even decipher what’s happening onscreen.
Stallone and Statham get plenty of butt to kick, and Roberts always makes for a snake-of-a-good villain. The other guys don’t do much, however, and Jet Li’s ultra-cool martial arts skills aren’t given much of a showcase.
The “witty” banter isn’t too great either, with the best scene involving Schwarzenegger and Willis. That occurs in the first reel and lasts about five minutes.
But hey, you can’t get this kind of bombastic, overripe action just anywhere. The punching sound effects alone will make your ears numb.
“The Expendables” is pure B-movie schlock. Just assembling this motley crew of action stars was most of the battle. Could it be better? Sure. But where would that leave the sequel?
Grade: B-